WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE FREE?

I feel that I am currently locked up in a feeling that I know I should be setting myself free from. I am lost. I am chained up. I can't move on.

It might be because I have been with him for 9 years and then suddenly I had to let go. So, I made a choice to let him go. A difficult choice, yes, but I know that it would be doubly difficult to stay in our relationship when it would mean that I, not WE, would think of ways to make it work.

I find myself refusing to look straight ahead. I'm stuck here... with thoughts and questions, and with no answers. And if they do have answers, I know that these answers would basically hurt me.

I am free from this relationship. I know this by now. But why do I find myself refusing to free myself with this feelings that I have for him?

When will I ever be free?